Laptops and Sex Talks
by Flareons
Summary: Rabi wants to show Allen something interesting and gets more than he bargained for. RabiAllen friendship. Discussion of TykiAllen.


**Title**: Laptops and Sex-Talks  
**Author**: A. Haverstock  
**Characters**: Rabi/Allen friendship, discussion of Tyki/Allen  
**Rating**: PG  
**Warnings**: n/a  
**Word Count**: 2366  
**Genre**: Humour/Friendship

**Rabi/Allen (D.Gray-Man) **_friendship_ for GoldenRod (2366 words)  
_Prompt: Rabi/Allen, humour, laptop. Can be Rabi/Allen friendship._

Rabi stumbles across Allen late afternoon is a remote corner of the Order library as he balances precariously on a chair while trying to reach the shelf that stubbornly stays just beyond his reach. The red-head is surprised at how comfortable his friend looks, standing on the back of a tilted chair as opposed to the seat, though he finds himself more surprised at the sight of Allen in a t-shirt instead of his usual dress shirt.

He watches the muscles on the ivory-haired boy's arms stretch and shift for a moment longer before finding the right moment to call out to him -- which happens to be just as Allen shifts his weight to tilt the chair a bit further forward.

"Hey, 'Sprout!" he hollers, "C'mere for a minute! I've got something to show you"

Allen starts and the chair tilts until it's balanced on one leg as opposed to two. He tries to compensate for the sudden change in position and almost manages it when his foot slips out from under him and he tumbles backwards onto the floor with a high-pitched squeal and a painful-sounding thump.

Rabi laughs at him, "Your scream is girlier than _Lenalee's_!"

Allen sits up and favours him with a scrunched-nose disgruntled look and Rabi is happy to note that even though his friend's face is maturing, his facial expressions certainly aren't.

"Puberty hasn't been treating me kindly."

"At least you have clear and radiant skin" croons the older teen. Allen looks as though he's not sure whether he's being serious, or if he should be offended. "I had such bad acne when I was your age," Rabi explains, "Though that could be because I bathed as little as possible until Lenalee started in on me saying that I had to take a bath every two days because she was sick of people fainting around me all the time."

Allen blinks at him. Rabi continues: "And here I thought they were all swooning at my ungodly presence."

Allen snorts and diverts the conversation away from his friend's personal hygiene, or lack thereof. "You said you had something to show me?"

"Oh, yeah" Rabi replies. He pulls a rectangular machine out of the bag he brought with him. 'This," he declares, "Is the most amazingly awesome machine ever. It totally beats out dogs as man's best friend."

Allen nods, "I've always liked cats better." He seems to realize what he's just said and then adds fearfully, "Don't let Timcanpy find out I said that. He hates cats. Teases them all the time. That's why he's spent half of his existence in the stomachs of cats."

"Fine. I won't tell him, but I think you're completely insane. Dogs are so much better than cats. You can teach them tricks and play with them practically _forever_. You can't play with cats!"

"Yes, you can!" counters Allen, "You just have to know what they like! Cats are better than dogs because not only do they like to take naps with you, they also keep you warm. And they have claws."

"You just have a thing for claws. Dogs are better because they can" -- Rabi pauses. "Whatever. I say that dogs beat out cats. I'm bigger than you and have a giant hammer, so I win."

"That's not fair."

"No," answers Rabi, "_Puberty_ is what's unfair."

Allen has no way to deny this and so doesn't bother. He's more curious about the machine that the older teen brought to show him anyway. "So what does the supposedly amazing thing you want to show be do, exactly?"

"This machine is called a _Laptop_," the red-head breathes out the name like it's caramel and swoons over it slightly. The smaller teen ignores this until Rabi sees fit to continue. "It is a veritable _gold mine_ of porn and other things of great importance to men."

Allen wrinkles his nose, "Porn is degrading and distasteful."

Rabi gapes at him. "Oh, my God. Are you sure you're a boy? I mean, you do sound an awful lot like a girl. And you have a rather girly waist," he leers at him, "Should I be calling you 'Allena'?"

Allen flushes brilliantly and responds shortly: "I'm pretty sure I'm a boy considering my complete and total lack of breasts and a vagina."

Rabi bursts out into laughter so strong that he struggles with his next sentence. "I can't believe" -- a pause for more laughter -- "that you actually said that."

"Maybe I didn't," the ivory-haired boy says tonelessly, "Or maybe you're going to wake up suddenly in the hospital wing from the coma I'm going to put you in."

The red-head is laughing so hard now that no sound comes out, but manages to croak out something along the lines of '_Is Allena having her _menstrual cycle_ now?'_.

When Allen tells himself that if he punches Rabi in the face it will only be because the red-head is on the verge of hyperventilating from laughter, Rabi falls backwards into a bookshelf when he loses his balance and a book entitled '_Gray's Anatomy'_ falls on his head before Allen can even form a fist.

The impact startles the older teen enough to kill his laughter almost instantly and the look on his face is so shocked that Allen finds himself struggling to stifle the giggles that are bubbling up inside his throat. Rabi glares at the book disdainfully but looks up when he hears something that sounds a bit like a guinea pig talking before he recognizes it as a poor attempt to withhold a giggle.

Allen is curled forward, one hand wrapped around his abdomen and the other covering his mouth as he tries to stifle his laughter. Rabi watches his friend's thin frame shake and realizes that this is the first time he's seen the younger boy laugh.

A moment later Allen gives up and just lets the laughter wash over him like a warm bath. His laughter is almost musical in quality and reminds Rabi of the tinkling sound a brook makes in the spring.

The smaller teen's head is tilted back just enough that his Adam's apple and the hollow between his neck and collarbone is clearly visible and, seeing this, the red-head knows that despite all of his joking, Allen is all boy. Rabi's eye catches sight of a few black markings across Allen's left shoulder that were definitely not there the last time he saw it.

"Hey, 'Sprout," Rabi addresses Allen as his laughter trickles to a stop. The ivory-haired teen wipes tears of mirth from his eyes as he turns to look at him, apparently not having heard him speak.

"I'm so sorry I laughed at you!" Allen looks apologetic even though there is a grin on his face, "It was just… the book… it was _perfect,_ and ironic, and" -- he lets out a short giggle. "It was an _anatomy_ book, of all things."

Rabi waves off his apology. "I noticed that marking on your shoulder though" -- he stares at Allen's uncovered shoulder pointedly and Allen adjusts his sleeve so it's hidden again. -- "and I was wondering where it came from because I didn't tag you as the type for a tattoo." He pauses and then grins.

"Don't tell me -- it's because of a secret lover!" he teases. "Although it _would_ make some sense if you had one. People who get sex on a regular basis tend to be less inclined to look at porn."

Allen's face flushes and his back is suddenly rigid. "I got it from my Innocence when it evolved," he answers shortly.

Rabi notices the sudden change in his friend's posture and knows that he's lying about something. He goes over the last few sentences he said and his visible eye widens impossibly.

"Holy _shit,_" he breathes. "You're having _sex _with someone?!"

Allen's posture gets even stiffer and the red-head knows he's right.

"Who?" Rabi asks.

Allen's disposition is that of a cornered animal as he replies, "You can probably guess."

The small corner they're sitting in is no longer safe and private. It's suffocating and claustrophobic and Allen wants out but Rabi won't let him.

Rabi ignores how uncomfortable Allen is and he plays through their conversation once more in his mind. He knows instinctively that he has only one guess -- any more and he won't get a true response.

_I didn't tag you as the type for a tattoo. Don't tell me -- it's because of a secret lover!_

_I got it from my Innocence when it evolved._

Allen's posture tells him that there is a secret lover involved, but his answer tells him who it is. His eye widens further.

"_Shit,_" he breathes. "There's _no way._"

Allen's eyes tell him it's true.

"But that bastard's the _enemy!_ How can you forget what he's done to you? -- To all of us!"

"I don't forget," the younger boy explains. "I can't forget. But I understand him…" he pauses. "I trust him."

"How can you be so _blind_?!"

Rabi yells at him because he's worried. The books on the shelves around him absorb the sound before it can reach the ears of anyone else. This conversations is all theirs.

"My eye sees more than just the souls of Akuma."

That one sentence causes Rabi to deflate and leaves him staring at his friend in amazement. He begins to wonder what happened to his self-declared little brother to age him like this. "You've changed," he says finally.

"No," replies Allen, softly. "I've just grown up a bit."

"You've not grown up _that_ much," Rabi denies.

"I've grown up enough to realize that he's different, yet remember that he's the enemy at the same time."

"You better," Rabi warns, though as he thinks back to the few times he's seen Allen and the curly-haired Noah together he can recall how they clicked almost instantly. Rabi thinks that, even then, Allen had offered more than just his cloak to the man in that crowded train compartment.

Allen catches his contemplative look. "He makes me happy," he says. "He also makes me sad. And angry. And he annoys me as well, but he keeps me grounded which is something we all know I need."

Allen wants Rabi to understand him and so the red-head listens intently as his friend continues.

"I don't have to pretend to be something I'm not when I'm around him. There are no expectations to meet -- no one is there except us," Allen says. "I'd like to think that he loves me as much as he can love anyone."

Rabi wonders what Allen pretends to be when he's around them.

"He keeps me from breaking, Rabi."

The older teen thinks over this for a minute. Only a conversation with Allen could start out with porn and end up like this

"Okay then," he says slowly, finally. "As long as it doesn't end up with us losing the war I'm okay with it."

He knows that, as a Bookman, he's not supposed to pick one side over the other, but he reasons that since he's not a Bookman yet that it doesn't really count. "You've seemed happier lately, in any case, so I can't think of this as that bad of a thing."

Allen smiles brilliantly at him. Rabi can't help but ask: "How did you two hook up in the first place?"

The younger boy gives Rabi a look that says he clearly thinks he's an idiot.

"Strip Poker."

Rabi gapes uselessly and Allen takes this chance to change the subject. "So, are there any cat pictures from this machine-that-you-most-certainly-stole-from-Komui?"

"Of course!" Rabi exclaims. He pulls Allen over into a half-hug and ruffles his hair. Allen laughs and pushes the red-head's hands away from him futilely. Rabi is happy that he's the first one the younger boy chose to confide in -- even if it was mostly accidental.

"And remember! If you need any sexual advice, don't hesitate to ask your ever-lovable big brother Rabi!"

"_Rabi!"_

Rabi laughs at him as he blushes in embarrassment. Allen pouts. "Why don't you go off and trick Kanda into having sex with you. Or Lenalee.I know you want to."

Rabi puts on his most indignant expression. "I don't need to _trick_ anyone into having sex with me!"

Allen smirks and shoves the taller boy off him playfully. "Prove it," he says. "I want to see either Kanda walking with a limp or your bloodied corpse by tomorrow. Oh," he adds. "And could you grab me that book, please? The one about the domestication of cats?"

"I still can't believe it," Rabi declares as he pulls the book off the shelf for the shorter boy. Allen looks at him curiously. "Can't believe what?"

"_You_, of all people, having _sex_ -- when I'm not! And with the _enemy_ at that!"

Allen crinkles his nose and sticks out his tongue in a look of disgust meant to tease. "I certainly hope I'm having sex when you're not. It would be rather awkward if we were because I don't like you _that_ much."

Rabi gapes at him in shock. "I'm wounded," he manages to say.

"Not as much as you will be if Kanda catches you trying to seduce _me_ instead of _him_."

Rabi shoves him playfully and hands him the book he wanted. When they leave the library to go their separate ways he watches Allen take a wrong turn and waits for a moment.

"_Rabi!"_

Allen's desolate wail echoes through the corridors and causes a few of the wandering Supporters to chuckle.

"Can you come and get me, Rabi? I have no idea where I am!"

The red-head laughs and follows the sound of his friend's voice. Rabi hopes that Allen is right about his relationship with the Noah because, now that he knows about it, he can see how good it is for him.

That doesn't mean he can't tease him about it though.

"Hey, 'Sprout!" he exclaims wickedly when he sees Allen leaning against the windowsill, reading his book as he waits. Allen looks up at him from the pages and uses his finger as a bookmark. "With a scream as girly as yours I bet I know who tops!"

Allen's outraged cry of '_Rabi!'_ is followed by the sound of a book hitting a skull.

Very, very hard.


End file.
